it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
