I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
