I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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