my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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