either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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