Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
