An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
