Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
