alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
