You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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