you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Terrible idea I love it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
