You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
