well most of my day revolves around power hour
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
