Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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