the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
