Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize