stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want to make out with him forever
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
