Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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