The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize