My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
