Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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