is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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