i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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