Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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