Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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