There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
