he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
