Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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