who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
