I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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