The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
