and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
