3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
