I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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