The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
