You made me cry and you don't even care
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
