You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
