It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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