if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
