I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
