she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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