I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
