cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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