We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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