i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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