I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
