so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Bring me that man meat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
