I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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