Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
