Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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