i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize