I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
