I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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