dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
