Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
