it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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