Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
