Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
