im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
