So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
