too bad you live with your parents still
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
