You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
